The First Tides of Fate

I awoke with a start later on. There were no windows in this room so I couldn’t tell how long it had been, but the light that slipped in from under the door was somewhat telling. 

I sat up and brushed myself off, looking myself over. My spell had indeed dropped when I had fallen unconscious, but the room looked the same as it had before. I could only pray that William hadn’t opened the door and seen me. I recast the disguise spell, and then slowly opened the door and looked around. 

The warm yellow light from the street lanterns was the only light that spilled into the room from outside, but the second source of light came from Will’s workbench which was lit by candlelight. He had parchment laid out in front of him, and seemed to be sketching out designs for new weapons. He looked over towards me when he heard the door creak open, and our eyes met. For a moment I mistook them for V’s, and my entire body would tense, but the softness in them is what brought me back out of it. I didn’t realize I had been holding my breath until I let out a relieved sigh. 

I dipped my head to him, and gave a small, thankful smile. 

“I’m… I’m really sorry that… happened.” I mumbled, ashamed of my awful display today. I ought to be more focused. If I had better control over myself, if I was stronger, better, none of this would have happened the way it had. 

“Don’t worry about it. Are you alright? I was worried you may have bled out.” He gives a wry smile, once again trying to make light of the situation. 

“No, yeah. I’m fine. Just uh… didn’t sleep well and I guess it sort of caught up with me, you know?” I waved a hand passively. 

William looked me over, pressing his lips together and frowning with concern. He sighs and runs his hand through his hair, then looked up at me again. 

“Do you need… help? I-I didn’t um- I hope I didn’t upset you too much yesterday, Kage. I’m sorry this happened.”

I was confused at first, but then I realized. Will still blamed himself for last night. He thought this was his fault. It tore into my chest, the guilt I felt for making him feel this way. 

“No Will, I swear this- it’s fine. I don’t blame you for this. This was just- it was an accident. It’s my fault.” I sputtered out. 

Why was I trying to make him feel better? When he could know my secret? I could tell what I said hadn’t sunk in very well for Will, there was still guilt there but he looked up again, hopefully. “Well… is there anything I can do? Do you want me to walk you home?”

“No, I’ll be fine. Thank you, Will… and uh… thanks for watching my back.” I dipped my head to him. 

Will gave me a firm nod, and a smile. “No problem, man. I’ll have your back for as long as you need it. Also, maybe take a day or two off to recover, alright? Better safe than sorry.”

I couldn’t help but smile a little as his words touched a chord somewhere in my heart. I’d nod again, and then walk towards the exit, going straight home after. 

That a good thing, right? No. Surely he must have peeked into the closet while I was sleeping at some point. Especially given how long I had been out. He must know. But why hadn’t he said something? Why wasn’t he asking questions?

I got back to my room and locked myself in for that night, ordering food for the evening and a plate to be delivered in the morning as well. I did as Will said and tried to rest, but anxiety weighed on me like never before. 

V was growing impatient after just three days, William, my employer, most likely knows I am a dragon and thus not technically permitted in the city. And to top it all off, I made the Matriarch cry, and angered her overprotective retainer. 

I found myself dreading each passing moment, expecting every boom and knock against the walls around me to be on my door. The Evergreen Guard looking for me, to drag me off and have me slain in some horrible, painful way. 

Halfway through the second day of staying locked in my room, (which I did not mind, the quiet was a relief, but the tension was overpowering me.) I found myself curled in a corner, trying desperately to find a position to rest in that didn’t make me feel entirely exposed. My arm, which I had not unbandaged yet, was aching more than it ought to be, to the point where it was becoming hard to ignore, and I still felt tired somehow. 

I knew part of it was from being so tense for so long, but there was something more to it. It was like the piece of me that V had taken wasn’t getting mending itself, it wasn’t coming back at all. 

I am so tired, so scared. Why is this happening to me? Why can I not I find happiness anywhere I look for it? Why am I always alone?
I thought of a time when I wasn’t alone, back when I had a friend, and a father.

My father was a cold man, but that was because for as long as I had known him, he had been cursed. Despite that, I could see somewhere in his cold, dead eyes, he did have some shred of love for me. Even if it was expressed in a cold and militaristic way. 

My friend, however… She had been different. I realize now, we had ignored the risks that presented themselves. The ones that our friendship came with, inherently. We had ignored them, not just because it was fun and forbidden, but because we were kids, and we didn’t care about risks. 

If I was always considering the risks that came with attachment, I would never have friends. I would never have a reason to connect to anyone and I would always be alone. If that was the safest option, then it must be what is best for me. But why does what’s ‘best’ always suck? What was the point in being safe, if it made me miserable every day of my life?

I felt the tips of my claws against my scalp as I ran them all the way to the back of my head, pulling my long hair out of my face. 

The slight pain that it caused when I dug them in was enough to at least remind me to take a deep breath. I tilted my head back until I felt the tips of my horns tap the wooden boards of the wall, and closed my eyes, breathing in and out for a few moments to stave off the panic attack that was starting to take hold of me. 

Life wanted a connection. She wanted a dragon to connect with, and it seemed like she’d found that in me. She was just as alone as I was, but the difference was there was no risk for her. Of course she had been pushy, she didn’t know better.

I still didn’t care for her supposed naivety, but perhaps that could be remedied. Most people would kill for the chance to make friends with a goddess, and that was certainly because of the benefits that would come with a connection like that. The risks were present, but if I played my cards in the right way, I could make use of this. 

Of course greed wasn’t the only reason I was going to pursue this. Sure, it would benefit me and take a bit of heat off my tail, but besides all that, the world has become a lonely place for dragons. 

I heard from my father, a long time ago, the world used to be teeming with dragons, but the idea of it just seems so far away. These days, dragons are sparse, far and few between when they aren’t making communities. 

So it’s settled then, I suppose. I got up and looked at myself in the mirror, I was a mess. I tousled my hair a bit and tried to smile at myself in the mirror, but it just looked sort of miserable. I didn’t expect to get any better if I kept going on as I was, it would be better to take this step before I talked myself out of it, after all. 

So I cast my spell to hide my true shape, and finally stepped out of my room. I use the word ‘step’ loosely, as it felt more like leaning and catching myself in procession. The walk there was a blur for some reason. I was awake, but not necessarily lucid. I could feel, hardly, and yet every little thing that was unpleasant felt like a blow to my gait. 

Eventually I crossed into the inner city where I found somewhere to slip out of sight, and took my shadow form. 

Usually I would hesitate to do this in such a densely populated area, but I figured I would cause less of a stir if I snuck into the temple, instead of requesting a presence with the Heir. 
It was fairly easy, in the busy din of the marketplace in front of the temple, hardly anyone ever thought to pay attention to the shadows. If they did, the shadows were always squirming and writhing this way and that, should a mysterious shape flit across the fray, who would assume anything more than coincidence?

Even if they did, I would be gone long before anything could be done. 

Getting past the guards was a little more difficult. The ones at the gate were simple, I slipped in with a small group of people who were coming to give offerings to the Evergreen Order. They’re an old group originally organized by a previous iteration of Life. One from many centuries ago, who was also responsible for establishing the city. 
The Evergreen Knights are an organized military group that aids in keeping the peace within the city, but their supplies are donations only, to encourage Knights to maintain good relations with the common folk. 

I knew I had to break off from the group before they made it to the Courtroom, it would only be that much harder to sneak past the guards when the group would be the center of attention. I broke off from the group in the first hall that looked off limits to commoners. 

Slipping into the first room I saw to get my bearings, as my vision in shadow form is not quite as good as my others. It turned out to be a small closet for keeping linens, and after looking around, I found a spare servant’s uniform. I pulled it on, it was a little too tight for my taste, but it would have to work for now.

I hid the rest of my gear in the room, tucking it into whatever crevices I could find, and then finally I grabbed a stack of spare linens and walked out of the closet as if I belonged there. With my head kept low, I managed to make it from hall to hall, looking for any indication of where Life’s room would be. 

It took a bit of wandering, and I was worried that it was starting to become obvious that I didn’t belong here, however, eventually I made a turn down into a stairway that seemed to lead deeper into the mountain. This passageway led to a corridor that was wider and taller. I figured I had to be close since this area seemed carved out to make more space, presumably to fit a dragon. The walls and ceiling were carved with care, and between pillars there were mosaics depicting creation as they tell it among humans. 

How different could it be between cultures, really? That’s what I used to wonder back then, when I heard what the humans tell to their children. What mothers teach to them when they’re young. The stories that they feed them, that go on to shape their perception of the world. 

Two souls floating through an empty expanse, one golden, bright, and comforting, one silver, cold, cynical. 

They collide, and it’s beautiful and violent and passionate, and they find balance in each other. Chaos finds Order, and they fall in love. 

From this love came magic, and with this magic they shaped bodies for themselves, and a world to share.

Death created rules and orchestrated how everything would be connected. He took care creating the seasons and the cycles of day and night. He created prey and predator, and decided how they would rely on each other. 

Life created humans, and gave them special magic given to none other, the power to create, and to rise above the rest of creation. A power that resides within them, that could never be taken away. 

Not wanting humans to get out of hand however, Death proclaimed that humans were not to command control over the elements as he and Life did. The right to control the elements should belong solely to those charged with maintaining it’s balance.

And so humans were cut off from the rest of the magic which permeates the world, still however bearing Life’s blessing. She favored them, and watches over them to this day, sheltering them from Death’s cruel grasp. 

That’s how they tell it, like everything is about them. It’s kind of funny once you get over the sadness of it. I wonder if Life knew this was all wrong, or if they had raised her believing this trash. 

“Nice piece, huh?”

I looked up to see who had broken the silence and lost my breath for a moment. Shocking green eyes and brilliant, bright ginger hair greeted me, paired with an unnaturally wide, toothy grin. The right ride of his face however, was skeletal, and the jaw where the skin seemingly peeled back was canine in nature. 

Why is he talking to me??

I offered a dry, polite smile and offered a curt response in hopes that he’d leave it at that. “Quite the work of art.” 

“It took quite a while to carve, I remember we had at least a handful of artisans in here working together, they got to stay in her Majesty’s quarters for the time.” A small smirk spread across his face as he seemed to recall the events. I mentally rolled my eyes and approached the door he was standing in front of. 

It was odd to me that no one else seemed to be guarding this hallway, but I wasn’t going to ask why. At least not this guy, he was just sort of offputting. 

“I need to enter her Majesty’s quarters to change her bedding.” I leveled my gaze at him as I approached, and he lifted a brow in return. His unnerving grin widened a bit as he looked me up and down, before he stepping aside finally. 

I made a face at this, unintentionally, but stepped past him and entered the room regardless. I was happy for a moment, to have that over with at the very least. It was a short lived moment of relief that ended as I closed the door behind me and turned around. 

There she was, curled up on her bed on her side, blankets strewn around her, and a long pillow in her arms that she was hugging loosely. There was no light in the room save for a small shelf in a corner filled with various leather-bound books and a single candle, but it did little to light the room. If anything, it cast eerie shadows across the room and seemed to emphasize the weight of the darkness. 

I’m sure she knew I was here, but she didn’t seem to care much. She was completely motionless and had a vacant, hollow expression on her face. I just stared, frozen for a moment. Paralyzed by anxiety, and that feeling in your stomach that feels like your guts are twisting into a knot. 

I walked over and sat on the edge of her bed, setting what I was holding to the side and then folding my hands in my lap. 

Her eyes had a glossy look to them, like her mind was worlds away, lost in the Expanse, but when she felt my weight on the bed, they moved slowly to look up at me. 

I waited for words to come naturally, from myself, or from her, but as our eyes stayed locked together and I saw through to her soul, there was only silence. Tears welled in her eyes, and she pulled her pillow up closer to her face to sponge them away. 

“What do you want?” She asked, her voice low and sort of raspy from what I assume had been sobbing. 

“To… apologize…” I said slowly, my eyes lowering once again. Somehow I felt like everything I was doing was wrong. Every decision was the worst that I could have possibly made, and somehow it felt like I was twisting a knife into her stomach as I did. 

“For what?” She scoffed. “You feelings? Please… don’t.”

“No, not at all. This isn’t about me.” I assured her. The pressure in my stomach moved its way up into my chest and felt like it was trying to tear its way out. 

“Yes it is.” She sat up and swiped her hair to the side to brush it out of her face so she could glare at me without anything in the way. “It’s always about you! Its always about how you feel, and how I make you feel. Have you ever for once, thought about maybe how it feels to be me, Kage?”

It hurt. That feeling of confirmation you feel, when your anxieties manifest for real. I opened myself up to her though. I let her words fall on my skin like cold rain. 

“Tell me, then. Please. I want to listen to you.” 

Her face softened again, and she averted her eyes. I reached out and carefully put my hand on her shoulder, offering her plenty of time to pull away if she liked. 

And she poured out her feelings there on the bed, on the pillows and blankets, and occasionally on my shoulder. I sat and listened for as long as she needed me to. 

When it seemed she had cried her eyes out and her sad sobs eventually faded into quiet sniffling and hiccups, it felt like hours had passed in seconds, and yet those seconds had stretched back into hours. 

I wasn’t in this position often. When you keep people at arms length, they usually don’t feel comfortable crying on your shoulder. Life, however, seemed so genuinely broken down, she didn’t seem to care, I could be anyone else, and she would still be crying on me. 

She held herself tightly, even as she rested her head on my shoulder, she kept herself guarded against me. I couldn’t blame her, this was uncomfortable for me. 

“Why are you here?” She asked with a sigh, finally sitting up and wiping her face with the base of her palm. 

“I was… unfair to you. What I said was mean… and, um… my experiences with others of our kind… They really have nothing to do with you. I’m really… really sorry for snapping at you.” 

She pursed her lips and I watched her sort of wilt. Her eyes seemed to flit over my form, though when I tried to lock eyes with her and give her a reassuring expression, she made no indication she’d seen it. Instead, her gaze went down to my chest, and then to my arm, which she took into one of her hands. I pulled away initially, but she had a firm grip on me. 

“What are you doing?”

“Fixing you,” She didn’t look up, she just held my hand and unwrapped my arm with her free hand. “It’s my job, after all, to fix people.” 

“It doesn’t have to be, you know? At least… not here.” I frowned a little. It was upsetting to think that a dragon might be bound to this life, to this routine. “I mean, do you want to be here? Doing all this work for people who don’t even really know you?” 

“Where else would I go?” She scoffs. “The city is the safest place for me to be. There are humans who kill dragons out there, dragons who kill other dragons, I hear. And Death looms in the sky wherever he pleases.”

“It’s really not all that bad. Have you even been outside the city limits?”

She scoffed again and gave a defensive smile. “Of course I have! I’ve been to the fields, and to some of the woods. I’ve been to the caves as well.”

“What about beyond that? Have you ever been to the sea? Or to the great cliffs where our kin take refuge?”

She frowned and turned her head away, and let go of my arm in favor of folding her hands in her lap. “Maybe not.”

“Come with me, then. Let’s find something only we can do.” I stood up and reached out carefully to touch the back of one of her hands. She flinched a little at my touch, but lifted her hand and slowly placed it in mine. Her bright smile spread across her face like sunlight over a meadow. 

It wasn’t instant, but I saw the weight on her slowly slip off. 

Even in this dark, sort of damp stone chamber, she looked like gentle rays of sunlight dancing between the leaves of a great tree, as I pulled her to her feet and she fretted over her appearance for a few moments. How I longed to feel like that again. Weightless. Carefree. 

“What about… you being seen with me?” She asked, a little concerned. Some of the hurt still lingered from when I had scolded her in the Upper District. 

“Its okay. I’ll just… deal with it. You know?” I gave her a small smile and a shrug, and she pulled away again. 

“No, I don’t want to be… well, I don’t really know what you’re worried about, but… I want you to feel safe. So… how did you get in?” She tapped her chin thoughtfully, and started to pace to and fro. 

“Uh… I snuck in, pretending to be a servant.” 

I started to walk around the room as well, poking around for anything that looked interesting. There were mostly books and some trinkets, a few crafts it looked like. 

She gave a quiet huff. “Not exciting enough.”

“Well… are there any other ways out of this room?” There were no windows here, it seemed. The room was hewn from stone, likely deep in the mountain for her protection. 
“We have some hallways that lead to other parts of the temple, I guess. Markus’s room connects to it, and sometimes I sneak out through there. 

“Is he there right now?”

She shakes her head. 

“Perfect then.” I gave a shrug. “Can you lead the way? I’ll be right behind you.” 

She gave me a small, giddy smile, and spun around on her feet, arms out already to reach for her possessions. She padded around the room a bit and gathered a few items. A little pack worn by time and use, her ratty, matted cloak of dirty furs, and a little bag that was next to her bed, which she hooked onto a belt. Afterwards, she turned around and, with an excited grin on her face she started to march off. 

The walk out of the city was a fairly uneventful one, she made a point to hold onto my arm as we made our way out. It was a little odd, and yet again I felt that fullness that comes when her magic floods your system. 

“This… feeling you give off. Is it… um… intentional? Or are you just like this?” She gave me a sharp side glance, and I flushed red as I realized it sounded rude. “I-I just mean- is it like a thing you feel like you have to do?? Or something you can’t help?” 

She giggled quietly as I stumbled over my words in a hurried apology, and looked back down. “Its just a sort of natural thing. I can stifle it a bit, but um… I don’t really have much control over my magic, to be honest.” 

“Really? Even though the city is full of like… weird magic things? I thought you made all of this.” 

She shook her head, a sort of mischievous grin on her face now. 

“Not quite. Some of it was technically made by me, but from another life, you know? But a lot of the more common items in the city are actually made by other people.” 

“I thought that was forbidden.” 

“Unless I say otherwise. Its been a system for years, I have a sort of… secret service. People who were expressly given magic by me. They serve the people, and myself.” 

I lifted an eyebrow and pondered this for some time. She made small talk occasionally on our way through the city, but not about anything in particular. Our conversation was mostly about the city and her relationship to it, and sometimes about what it was like to live here. 

It didn’t seem like there was much else to her life, really. By the sound of it she’d been here serving the people for almost all of her life, and she seemed content to stay that way. Save for the small part of her that was getting a little stir crazy. 

My tribe had always described Life as a wild and untamable force of chaos and magic, and the Life that stood before me was nothing like them. 

How could you live like this? 

Eventually we came to the city gates and once we had passed through, them the surroundings changed from worn down buildings to fields of crops. Bales of hay were put up against fences and in pastures, where the oversized farm animals grazed. 

Even with how pretty it was, I couldn’t help but look up at the sky, with the wispy clouds what were gently pulled apart by the wind, the sun was bright, but gentle like in spring. A perfect day for flying. I didn’t want to say anything, I wasn’t sure how risky it was, to fly here, but she seemed to be thinking it already. 

“They’re used to me flying out over the fields, but I’ve never been past them.” She mumbles, sounding like she was convincing herself to do it. To step out of line. She bit her lip to stifle the grin that was spreading across her face, before reaching out to grab my hand, and giving it a tug. “Could you take me somewhere new?” 

Seeing the bright smile on her face as she seemed to come to life in front of me, I didn’t have it in me to say no.